The Mud is a short Writing Exercise I did back in Grade 12 Creative Writing. We needed to write a little doodad that began with "This is what can happen when..."
I was depressed during this time and felt like a whole bunch of stuff was weighing me down.
Page 1: All I wanted to do was give up. The Mud started off with me rambling on about how many of my classmates had been figuring out exactly what they wanted to do with their lives while I was too sad, messed up in my mind, and lazy to care too much about what I wanted to do.
Page 2: I skipped out on homework, slept during class (because I wasn't sleeping at night), and I viewed my friends as privileged and too caught up in their own lives to care about me. I was conflicted with the idea of being selfish or selfless. This page also hints at my ability to fail at talking, as everything I want to say usually gets lost in my vocal cords when I try getting words out. I've improved now, but the occasional awkward moment will still occur here and there.
Page 3: I was aware of the other people going through shit. Some of my good friends were dealing with their own problems and didn't believe they could accomplish anything after school. I regret to say I was too clouded by my dilemma that I didn't really help them out. This is the moment I gave up, daydreamed, and become enamoured by the brilliance of those who "succeeded" in life.
Page 4: Listening to music all the time and not really caring about anything around me got boring. I knew I wanted out of this depression and I needed to find a way to turn it off. I assumed it was simple and I could just become happy again, but realized that maybe this is more than just feeling a little down. Things got very clouded by this time, and all of my friends became blurry. I couldn't talk to too many people and stayed away from my friends. I became increasingly lonely and then got jealous of other people and their friendship/love.
Page 5: Here I became more open and willing to let people in. I got a little obsessed with the idea of love and really wanted someone to love me.
Page 6 and 7: Continuing on the trend of love. Heartbreak can be a little intense and hard to bear. Desperate Reggie became desperate and he will always look back at this moment thinking it childlike and dumb. But it was what I was feeling so it happened. I learned a lot from this, that's for sure.
Okay, so with all of these sad things I want you guys to know I am incredibly happy right now. This was me during the last few years and I was terribly stressed and not in a good place. I am confident I can achieve great heights, I have amazing friends to support me, and I want to be the best person I can be. I'm obviously still searching to find out the kinds of things I want to do with my life, but I have found out how to love myself. My journey is far from over, and I will be going through more bumpy shit in the future for sure, but I believe I have matured enough to feel comfortable with who I am and will live the rest of my life to the fullest.
Peace! Thank you for reading!